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“I would walk twenty miles to listen to my worst enemy if I could learn something.”
- leibniz
You’ve seen the posters that read, “Everything I need to know I learned in kindergarten.” Conflict situations in the workplace are not far from the schoolyard spats of yesteryear. We don’t choose our co-workers, and it’s important to learn to work with each other. A few simple tools can transform perceived ‘destructive’ relationships into fruitful alliances.
Sarah is a senior executive at a large communications company. As one of the top six people in her organisation, the competition is fierce and the stakes high. She turned to coaching when she realized that the toxic political situation was impacting her ability to perform at the elite level to which she was accustomed.
Sarah had one peer with whom she consistently found herself in conflict. She felt that no matter what the issue, David would disagree with her. She realized it was time to have a powerful conversation with him to clear the air and create a plan that would allow everyone to succeed. Here are some of the tools used to prepare her:
Watch assumptions.
Sarah had a list of assumptions about David, including that he was combative and didn’t like her. We challenged her to question her assumptions because no matter what you assume, you can gather evidence to prove yourself right.
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During her conversation with David she shared some of her assumptions, using statements like, “It’s my perspective that…” and “I have an assumption that you…” By using “I” statements and then listening intently to the response, Sarah cleared up many false assumptions and learned that David was in the middle of a divorce – the true source of his frustration.
Don’t gossip.
Sarah often vented to her confidantes. Sarah was challenged to say nothing about David that she wouldn’t say to him. While it was easier and more entertaining to talk behind his back, gossip is not only potentially devastating to the other person but it also creates a toxic work environment. It can also eat away at the gossiper, since hanging onto resentment automatically gives the other person power over you.
Collaboration.
The result of the conversation was an agreement to stop fighting and start supporting each other. They set up regular check-ins to ensure that their teams were also collaborating. By resolving their personal issues, they were able to focus on their shared commitment to doing great work.
Any type of conflict is a great opportunity for change and growth. Taking time to have a conversation with positive intention, constructive tools and a willingness to be vulnerable can repair a damaged relationship and form the foundation of a powerful alliance.
H&L
If you have a burning life question please email lifecoach@healthandlifestyle.ca |
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