When was your last first date? After 12 years, I’ve entered a new world of dating – ‘the mom dating scene.’ At the park, I peruse the sandbox in search of other women I might have something in common with. Although I am a confident, successful woman, I occasionally feel shy and awkward taking the first step to introduce myself to unknown neighbourhood moms. Surprisingly what I’ve noticed is that the more vulnerable I am in risking the first move in a conversation, suggesting a follow up play-date, or, the ‘going steady’ option – introducing our husbands – the richer and fuller my life becomes.

Craving community
Have you started a new job and didn’t know who to have lunch with? Have you been transferred, gone back to school or become single after many years of marriage? Whatever your situation, the first step in building your new community is to embrace the awkwardness and surrender to your vulnerability.

Not only do people have a deep-rooted desire for connection and community, it appears to be good for us. According to a recent Stats Canada survey, people with a strong sense of community report better physical and mental health than people with weak community ties. But as the pace of life accelerates to breakneck speeds, traditional sources of support and community erode – people move from their hometowns and their traditional religious communities; the average time spent at a job gets shorter and shorter. By being vulnerable, we find new ways to create community in our lives.

Embrace vulnerability
A single, successful executive in downtown Toronto missed the connection of the close-knit, small-town community she grew up in. She confronted her vulnerability with a proactive approach. She joined a ­gym with the intention of building her new, ‘big city’ community. Soon she made new friends and organized nights out. The connection and support was now found in the community she created. Are you feeling lonely, disconnected or isolated? Smile at a stranger. Start a conversation with someone you don’t know, or invite a casual acquaintance for coffee or lunch. Comment on something you noticed or admired about the person in the elevator with you. Invite others into your vulnerability – there’s nothing more compelling or connecting than witnessing another’s humanity. You have nothing to lose. At worst you might have company on an otherwise lonely lunch break. At best you could meet a great new friend, a potential business partner or someone who opens the door to new adventures in life. H&L

If you have a burning life question please email
lifecoach@healthandlifestyle.ca