BARBARA A number of years ago you experienced something I can’t imagine. When you divorced your first husband you ended up in a serious custody battle over your children.
ARLENE  It was a hard time in my life. People asked, “How did you get through it?” Well, I had some very good friends who were there for me. They encouraged me with, “Arlene, just continue to show up for the kids and I guarantee, one day they’ll be back with you.” As I held on to that, I kept thinking, what I can’t do is let the system win or let something come between me and my kids. I had joint custody, so I saw them a lot, but it was hard not being there for them all the time. It was difficult for everybody. But, after five years they were back with me full-time.
   At the time, I went through a lot of self-examination, stress and guilt because I created the circumstance.

B In your book you say, “Poverty was a great
motivator.” Was it the poverty of not having the kids or just not having anything?
A It was emotional poverty. Not having the kids was my motivator. It never occurred to me when I left the house for my own well-being that the judge might say to me, “You can’t take your kids because you don’t have a job. They stay with dad; he’s got a job.” I knew I had to work if I was going to have them live with me again.

B You quit high school, married at 19 and a mother of four by your mid-20’s. How did you get into the business world?
A My sister-in-law recommended me for a job at a TV station. My business school was life. I didn’t go to university. I learned about fiscal management by balancing my family’s budget. I learned people management by organizing and orchestrating work and life while raising four kids. Discipline? Getting people to do what I needed them to do? The same thing. What I’ve learned through life applies in business. I think too many women discount the lessons learned at home that apply in the business world. A household is often equally complex with kids, church and everything you’re managing in your community. 

B Especially when you’ve got four, that’s a tribe.
A Your own little team.

B How many people were at Venture when you started?
A There were five of us. So not much different!

B How many people are at Venture now?
A Close to 70.

B How did you become sole owner of Venture in
only 10 years?
A I borrowed a lot of money, took a big risk and jumped in with both feet. There’s a Chinese proverb: “You can’t take two leaps to cross a chasm.” As I gave the money to my partner, I thought, “Have I just jumped into the chasm, or do I have enough steam to make it to the other side?” It was a big risk, but I could not imagine not jumping. I was so clear that I could do it. I had a great desire and could see what this little company could become. I knew it needed leadership.

B Did you have mentorship or was marketing a
natural gift?  
A A little bit of both. I have a genuine interest in people and really enjoy hearing what they have to say. My family was dysfunctional when I was growing up. There was a lot of chaos; I was the quiet one listening and watching the dynamic between everyone. This made me a keen observer of my environment. It taught me to be empathetic and aware of what people needed to feel safe and secure. I became an arbitrator of human interaction, which made me good at marketing.
   My dad was very good at helping us understand the importance of being self-aware and what you could learn in a specific moment. He’d stop and give us mini commercials – lessons illustrated by what was going on at the time, and help us relate it to the future. A great way to learn. He was a really good dad that way. 

B Most people will relate to the lessons you share in the book, Persuasion. You mention that the most
difficult person to persuade is yourself.  
A Totally the most difficult. First of all, know that what you want is worthwhile, valuable and valid. Be willing to put that out there; most women struggle with this. Don't persuade someone based on what you think they want but on what you need together. Pretending to be someone else is a formula for a relationship to fail, both personal and business. 
   The dichotomy of ‘me’ is that I still struggle with not feeling good enough, being a pleaser and not feeling I have a right to feel the way I do. It’s wrong for me to say, “I’ve got it all under control.” I do know who I am, but I’m not always comfortable with saying what I want. There’s a constant voice in my head saying, “It’s okay to feel this way. It’s okay to express your opinion and not worry about what someone’s going to do as a result.” I’m getting it better with maturity.
 
B You’re very clear that honesty is a major principle in your life, along with authenticity.
A I lost my kids as a result of my dishonesty and losing something so big made honesty a very high value for me. I learned that lies are selfish choices, and truth is something you grow into. 

B ‘Growing into truth’ – an interesting concept.
A It takes courage to be honest. Courage comes with conviction, and conviction comes with maturity and making mistakes. So, some of the same mistakes I’ve made are because I haven’t been honest with myself or others. You can’t have an affair and be honest. I learned dishonesty was cowardly. I didn’t like who that person was. I try to live my life by this standard; that didn’t happen overnight. Now I have high expectations of people. Trust is big for me; it comes with honesty.  

B How does authenticity show up for you?
A It comes with asking myself and letting myself answer what matters to me, and not living by what someone else expects of me. It’s come with time and accepting that my opinion actually is one I need to stand up for. Not squelching the voice inside but being myself. People don’t ask themselves, “Who am I?” They don’t spend time with themselves because they’re afraid. I did. After my second divorce, I went to Thailand for a month, alone. That time alone made me think about what I want, need and expect. Who I am.

B Because of all you do, some people may perceive that you’re a workaholic. Do you view yourself that way? 
A No, I’m a ‘life-aholic.’ At this point in life I feel like I’m at a buffet of opportunities and I’m loving everything I look at, so it’s not work for me. I’m experiencing life at a level I never thought I would. Many people might see it as workaholic, but I see it as grabbing life and living it to the fullest. 

B You’re getting married again. Did you ever give up hope? 
A I never gave up hope. I don’t believe things are impossible, maybe improbable, but I never thought impossible. I wasn’t looking for it or thinking much about it. I was living life, doing my thing and I met somebody.