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 very morning, after my run and getting the kids organized, I sit down with a steaming latte and a chocolate biscotti. This ritual is a foundation in my life, as it symbolizes the importance of taking time for myself and sitting in quiet reflection, even if it is for just minutes a day. Families, too, have rituals. They provide a strong source of individual and family identity, strengthen family connections, have a positive impact on the well-being of family members, and bridge the gap between generations. Being consciously aware of your family rituals is a powerful way to deepen relationships with each other while creating a lasting legacy for the family.
Family rituals vs family routines
Family life is filled with repetitive tasks, from feeding the dog to putting out the garbage – these are routines. Family rituals, on the other hand, have an emotional component and a sense of meaning, in addition to the activity itself. A recent review of 50 years of research shows that rituals have a symbolic component that provides meaning to the group activity and helps family members deepen their sense of identity.
| A recent review of 50 years of research shows that rituals have a symbolic component that provides meaning to the group activity and helps family members deepen their sense of identity. |
The study also found that rituals have an emotional impact that can stay with family members long afterward. Individuals may also occasionally replay the ritual in their memories, reliving the emotional experience and deepening the meaningfulness of the event.
Bridging the generational gap
New parents often reignite family rituals, hoping to pass on meaningful experiences to their children. Research also shows that strong family rituals in the early parenting stages lead to stronger marriages. Grandparents are better able to connect with their grandchildren through family ritual, deepening the emotional connection and sense of identity of their growing families.
The Cane family has embraced the power of family ritual in nurturing their ever-expanding brood. Life-long cottagers, they use the many rituals around cottage life to connect with their children and grandchildren. On one visit, John presented the grandchildren with their own gardening gloves. He dressed them in their rubber boots and cottage jackets and told them that they were now old enough to join him on the dump run. Having watched their grandfather fill his truck every Sunday since they first came to the cottage, they were ecstatic to be invited on this rite of passage. They jumped into the pickup truck dressed in their gloves and boots and couldn’t wait to get to the dump. After throwing the garbage bags into the dump with their grandfather, they arrived home with huge grins and couldn’t wait until the next dump day.
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A beloved Cane family holiday ritual is preparing their traditional Christmas dinner. The family gathers in the increasingly crowded kitchen to cook the recipes that have been prepared for generations. Everyone does their part, from chopping, to baking, to setting the table, as the holiday favourites play in the background. Aside from the occasional conflict if grandma attempts to change the menu, this is a time of collaboration, laughter and co-creation.
These rituals are more than routine chores. They create lasting emotional experiences, a sense of belonging along with individual and collective identity. The kids learn that they are trusted with the responsibility of sharing in the operations of family life. The time with their grandparents provides the foundation for a lifelong closeness. The adventure will stay with the children long after they’re back home. These rituals strengthen the family identity with the belief that “we are a family that works hard and has fun together.” These subtle and subconscious messages over time strengthen the fabric that holds the family together. The narratives of family identity may be deepened if the rituals are combined with periodic reminiscing and story-telling.
During this holiday season, be conscious of the collectively created rituals. Take time to celebrate the long-standing family rituals that bind the group. Notice the habits that don’t serve anyone. Finally, create new family rituals – a game night, a nature walk, cooking an exotic meal – to provide a healthy, positive experience. We are a part of our family histories and it is never too late to write a new chapter in the story of a long-lasting legacy. H&L
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