Under Pressure
By Tina Powell

Do you remember searching for four leaf clovers in the grass when you were a kid? Making dandelion necklaces? Building forts with old cardboard boxes? What will your kids remember? Sitting in the back of a minivan? Ordering dinner at drive-thrus? Being shuttled from activity to activity? More importantly, how will it affect their mental and physical health?

Racing hearts
“Kids are coming into emergency rooms with hearts racing, sweating, feeling like they’re going to die,” Dr. Diane Sacks, Toronto paediatrician and past president of the Canadian Paediatric Society reveals. Anxiety disorders in children and youth are on the rise. Doctors report a significant increase in physical complaints related to stress, and an increase in separation, performance, panic and social anxiety; school phobias; and panic attacks. 6 to 10% of Canadian children and adolescents over the age of six have a diagnosable anxiety disorder. “Take kids, who probably have the genetics associated with anxiety disorders,” explains Dr. Sacks, “and put them into the pressure cooker we now call children’s lives and they start showing both emotional and physical symptoms, earlier.”

Why are our kids stressed?
Common children stressors include: problems at home or school, parental conflicts, family money problems, health problems, changes to routine, distressing world events, and social problems, such as teasing and bullying, according to Ann Douglas, award-winning journalist and author of The Mother of All Parenting Books.

The ’morning rush hour’ stresses 8-year old Colin. “I have to eat quickly. I have to get dressed quickly. Brush my teeth quickly. Then pack my stuff quickly.” When asked why he has to do all this stuff so quickly, he responds with wide-eyed wonder, “I don’t know!”

Academic stress or competitive sports can be healthy for children but it depends on how children manage the stressors and their sense of control. “If the stress is something over which they have no control, and that could be anything from a certain disaster to problems in the family,” says Dr. Robin Walker, president of the Canadian Paediatric Society, “the results can be long-term physical and psychological health effects.”

The do, do, do syndrome
Parents feel an overwhelming obligation to provide their children with opportunities believes Douglas. Unfortunately, we’re sacrificing the quality of life for the entire family. “You have to draw a line in the sand and say that it’s not healthy for children to have every moment of their life scheduled. And, it’s not healthy for you as a parent to be running around every moment.”

Many kids say they love all the activities they take. But do they really? How much of the do, do, do syndrome is peer or media pressure? Then some parents are afraid they’ll miss discovering a child prodigy if they don’t push their kids. “I have a feeling even if Wayne Gretzky been locked in a basement for the first twelve years of his life he’d still skate like he did,” muses Dr. Sacks. No more than one or two extra-curricular activities per week per child. Otherwise recreation becomes ‘wreckreation’ for everyone.

Build your child’s self-esteem
The key to building self-esteem in a child is for parents to know their child’s strengths and weaknesses. Praise them for their real strengths, and help them with their weaknesses. It’s about having fun, not about reaching the next level or winning the award laments Dr. Sacks. “If they get a 70 in math, but math is their weak point, say, ‘Bravo! You worked hard for that.’ Not ‘Why didn’t you get 90?’!” Diagnosed performance anxiety can result in school absences, an inability to take tests, withdrawing from school, and self-medication through drugs and alcohol.

“Elevated levels of the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol affect the physiology of a child’s body with concern that it is contributing to increased levels of diabetes, asthmas, cancers and alterations to the brain’s wiring,” adds Anne Murray, a ‘Kids Have Stress Too’ workshop facilitator and trainer.

Although there’s more research regarding the health effects of stress on adults, there’s no reason children wouldn’t experience similar effects. Dr. Walker states, “We believe from adult research that stress does affect the immune system and therefore does affect your body’s ability to deal with the effect of diseases, as well as conditions like cancers which can be modulated by an immune response.”

Changing the tide

1 Parents ­ stop, look and listen: One of the most effective and simplest strategies is Stop, Look and Listen, says Murray. “It’s stopping. Really looking at the child and seeing what they’re doing, whether it’s darting eyes or raised shoulders. And really listen to them.” A real life example is of a boy who was fidgety and unfocussed at school. When his mom stopped and objectively looked at the child’s environment she discoverd the cause of his poor behaviour. The teacher had seated the BOY at a table of all GIRLS. This caused him major stress and he felt a lack of control because his teacher had put him there.

2 Help Kids Cope: The ‘Kids Have Stress Too’ program professes the best de-fense against stress is a healthy, balanced lifestyle that includes physical activity, quiet time, and relaxation techniques. With a primary emphasis on affectionate parents who are good listeners. “Even young children can be taught how to relax,” claims the kidshavestresstoo.org website which has exercises you can do with your child. Riding his skateboard and playing video games take 11-year old Andrew’s mind off homework stress. “It would be good if parents helped kids when they’re stressed,” he adds.

3 Parents as role models: Parents are terrible stress models for kids. “Where’s the balance that we’re modeling for kids as we answer cell phone calls in the middle of soccer games or we bring briefcases of work on holidays?” asks Douglas.

Helping children gain a sense of control through effective problem solving and decision making are great strategies for stress management. But it’s important that parents first emulate the behaviour.

Dr. Sacks encourages parents to share their mistakes and challenges with their kids. We can teach kids how to problem solve when we say, “I blew it at work today and this is what I’m going to do to retrace my steps.”

Stephen’s mom helped relieve his stress with time management skills. “One week I had all these tests and a big project due, I went to my mom and she helped me to pick two tests to study really hard for.” The 13-year old sighs thoughtfully. “It was good.”

4 Play with your kids: Above all, parents need to play with their kids. “Get to know your kids and let them get to know you.” It’s the only way parents can determine if stress is a problem in their child’s life says Dr. Sacks.

Create stress-free family days. The next time your front lawn needs weeding, don’t stress, instead, make dandelion necklaces and search for four-leaf clovers with your child ­ tell them about your carefree childhood days.

H&L